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I am "curious" - how come nobody talks about loneliness, or you seldom see books about loneliness? Everybody is lonely sometimes. Even people who are surrounded by people sometimes feel lonely. I think loneliness is a real problem, and nobody talks about it. What will happen when we are all old and gray, and nobody wants to talk to us anymore, what will we all do about loneliness then? Mother Theresa said that lonliness in modern people is worse than physical disease: I think she was right. Maybe that's why we all look for God, because we are all basically lonely, and God fills that void.

Hi Curious: Nice name.

I agree with you - folks seem to be afraid of admitting loneliness - not to mention experiencing it. That might explain our obsession with drugs, pills, entertainment, and anything else that distracts us from being quiet and dealing with the discomfort of feeling lonely.

But I think that loneliness is an expression, distorted of course, of the instinct to survive, and that's why, when we are alone, we are uncomfortable, because we are alone, and thus, presumably, more vulnerable. (We feel safe in crowds, just like animals in a herd feel safer than when isolated - strictly nature's programming.) So then, perhaps we need to deal with the fear of not surviving, in order to ultimately deal with the feeling of loneliness, rather than distracting ourselves from it, no? Perhaps that is where God comes in, initially at least, so that we can feel a bit safer about investigating this "frightening" idea of non-survival. Or not.

Thank you for your answer, Anna.

I hadn't thought that loneliness might be fear of dying, but it makes sense. Everybody is afraid of dying - or maybe, almost everybody. I suppose there are some people who aren't afraid of dying. Why do you suppose we are afraid of dying?

Hey there, so you're still with us? Nice.

Fear of dying.....such a heady subject. Funny, though, because we all die, you would think we wouldn't be so afraid considering that it is inevitable.

In my own personal opinion, I think we are afraid of dying for two reasons. First, it is built into the genes. We are programmed to survive, it is imperative that we survive in order to continue the species, or life as we know it. This is not something we can dispense with, we are stuck with that instinct. The second reason, however, is more complicated, I think. It is a "desire" on the part of thought, to continue its apparent existence by means of "continuation" of itself - in other words, thoughts beget thoughts, and depend upon linking themselves together to justify their apparent continuity. Therefore, the fear, which in this case is not a physical, instinctual fear, but is a thought generated fear, is a kind of fail safe device that thought has set up in order to maintain its continuation. The thoughts themselves create this fear, which in turn, helps to guarantee thoughts continuation - until, of course, physical death does it in.

I realize this is a simplification, but that is the gist of it, at least how I see it. What do you think?

All I know is that I know nothing about dying, and am not sure what happens after I die. Sometimes that scares me, maybe only because I don't know. I suppose I would not be afraid if I knew what really happened after death. I understand there are some people who claim that they have been there and come back, and most of them don't want to come back here, but want to stay dead. Is it just that we are afraid of what we don't know, maybe? And if we knew, then we would not be afraid anymore?

But how does that affect being lonely? If we aren't afraid of dying, then, would we no longer feel lonely? Maybe we wouldn't feel lonely anymore, because we would know that nothing could hurt us because we couldn't really be hurt, if we knew what death was all about. And then, because we wouldn't be afraid, then maybe it would be easier to love each other, and then we would not be alone anymore. That makes sense.

I have to go now. Thank you for the conversation.

While I don't buy A Course in Miracles by any means in toto, I must agree with the statement therein that "if you knew Who walks beside you on the path that you have chosen, fear would be impossible." I think that is the key to the question of loneliness. St. Augustine stated it thus: "Thou hast made us for Thyself, and our heart is restless until it rests in Thee."

We try to fill that God-shaped void in us by plugging it up with other people, using them as "filler" for the emptiness, and when they fail us, as they inevitably will, we see love dry up and blow away, and we are lonely again. That is why successful relationships are as Gibran suggested -- two growing together but not in each others' shadows. We try to fill it with philosophy, religion, or entertainment, and all of them develop a rancid odor after a while. Nothing can fill that void except God Himself, for it is precisely that void which is "the image of God" in man, which is dead until He raises it and gives it life -- with our permission.

The sense of loneliness we experience is simply God trying to get our attention. When we realize "it's not about me" and come to the understanding that "it IS about Him," then the loneliness, which is indeed a function of fear, becomes impossible.

At least, that is how it looks from this point on the pathway for me.

Shalom
Art

Loneliness is an inevitable by-product, even a symptom, of the separative egoic body/mind. The perspective we live by – “I am me, and you aren’t me. What is mine is mine, and not yours.” – is fundamentally false.

The Fact is, there is only One, the One. Our insistence that “I am a person” is like perceiving a coin’s heads and tails sides as separate pieces, yin and yang as two. It just isn't so. There is no such thing as “a person”. There never has been, there never will be.

Inevitably, separating ourselves from what is inseparable generates discomfort, experienced as stress, loneliness, disease, despair, and so on. How could it be otherwise? I expect that the discomfort we discover when we truly examine ourselves and our situation is what an atom feels like when split in a laboratory.

The Gospels Teacher tells us, “What God has joined let no man put asunder.” Every Teacher I have encountered says essentially the same thing. Eventually, we will live that Lesson, too.

A good place to start is to form a true relationship with some other person. By "true relationship" I mean a relationship in which there is no "mine" and no "yours", only "ours"; a relationship in which the most important thing in all the world is the relationship; a relationship whose needs and health and growth and nutrition outweigh every other consideration. In that kind of relationship, love grows and prospers, and we are nourished from within. In that kind of relationship, surrender takes on its true meaning: two become one. That kind of relationship will transform us and carry us to awareness of our True Nature and the True Nature of Life. And God willing, that kind of relationship will eventually transcend itself into the Divine.

That's a sure cure for loneliness. And, incidentally, it is -- in my opinion and experience -- what "A Course in Miracles" is about.

I think that loneliness is wonderful. It is such a great teacher, eye opener, and when experienced fully, a revelation ... a gateway to waking up.

The ego does not like it, it does not feel good. It can have all those accompanying thoughts about being not good enough, or unworthy, unloved, and a whole slew of negative ideations. It is that belief of a separate self that cannot handle loneliness, at least not without an accompanying attitude or position (i.e., self-defense mechanism). Like superiority maybe.

The ego can wallow in loneliness or it can avoid it like the plague. Neither is a meeting. In a true meeting with loneliness the ego dissolves and expansion is recognized. Here is a never-ending exploration in all directions.

One knows One is alone, and Being otherwise is an impossibility; no matter the illusory "self and other" creations of companionship. Loneliness is just another wave, another breeze blowing by, as is the enjoyment of camaraderie.

I believe one cannot be comfortably alone until one has the willingness and readiness of meeting loneliness fully.

Really. Stop all the stories and dive right on in there.

Michael said: "I believe one cannot be comfortably alone until one has the willingness and readiness of meeting loneliness fully."

It's the word fully that I focus on as I think about the discussion on loneliness. Lonliness or lonely is shortened from the word alone, which is from Middle English and means "all" and "one."

When I'm al-one---even when I live alone or meditate alone---I experience a fullness, the world seems full to the brim and overflowing within. I've had this same experience in a desert, and only once have I been in a desert. My husband and I were in the Sonoran Desert with a friend. We spent a week there sailing in the Gulf of California and hiking in the desert. I was amazed that the "empty" desert, seemingly alone and barren of all life, was full and alive to me. As a matter of fact, it overflowed with life.

The other side of the coin, it seems, is that as Stefan says, we are all-one whether we are in a crowd or alone. So when I think about death of the body, I realize that we are all one in death as well. It's thinking this, of course, and not feeling it in my gut. But all one life and death is beyond thought and feeling. It's being, and that's what we are, despite our fear, joy, or fullness when we feel alone or lonely, even in a crowd. Namaste! Bhakti

The ego can wallow in loneliness or it can avoid it like the plague. Neither is a meeting. In a true meeting with loneliness the ego dissolves and expansion is recognized. Here is a never-ending exploration in all directions

mjoel's statement is so true to what I've discovered in the last few months. I started in this direction when Anna wrote on another thread that we must embrace the existential angst of life rather than try to avoid it. I did not think that this was a problem for me, but I thought so much about this and saw the many ways I've tried to 'outsmart' the fact that life hurts, or really, it just plain sucks sometimes, there isn't anything that makes that different. I rejected all of societies ways to avoid this truth, such as money, career, other people...but I simply shifted to making a spiritual quest take the place of other distractions from the truth of our condition here on earth. Now I sound very negative, but I don't mean to be.

There is a place that is not avoiding it, as the ego stuggles to do and also without the flip side of falling in that deep abyss of nothing. mjoel called it a true meeting where expansion is recognized. I'll explain it as a door. Lonliness has been that door recently that is pushing the ego down and spaciousness is allowed, where resting can be found in deep silence. For me though, to approach this door, I have to feel the pain of alone, cry out as my body feels the pain, and then to find what happens on the other side of this. Emotions are not bad, by golly, they are necessary...
I've chosen and recognized long ago that I'm meant to be one, not part of two in this lifetime, The lonliness is not a symptom that I need to change something, but an invitation to walk deeper into Reality.