"I" is all

[brant]

I decided that I would describe realizations during an awakening process. After 35 years of collecting beliefs on the so-called "spiritual" path I had arrived at the realization that my "brant" personality was interferring in some essential way. I studied and mastered empty mind meditation which eventually led to the Earth shaking realization that beliefs, concepts, opinions were without substance, and determined to abandon them entirely. So, I spent several months denying the reality of everything that I experienced. Not just in my head, but in some indescribable internalization process. I wrote about this in the thread "Robotics". Now I need a new thread as things have changed. Two nights ago I had a realization that has altered the game. Hah! What a laugh. I was sitting on the throne when the knowledge came:)

Since these days I only write about what I know for sure, I cannot elaborate much and I write this knowing that my description of it can easily be shot full of holes. But that is inevitable and will have no importance. From where I've been, I know that what I say here can not be understood in the usual way. Apparently, only when the personality sees it for itself can it be realized and internalized beyond the personality. As such I now realize that all of the time I spent tearing apart spiritual books and sitting at the feet of Gurus was not wasted. Roadsigns! My advice? Read and listen, throw them away and forget them. The work will thence proceed on its own, has indeed already happened.

I once used the term "We" when referring to humanity, thinking that this somehow was a better description of our shared state. I now realize that this is far removed from reality. There is no we, no us, no you or me, no this or that. (Pst... no reality either)

"I" is all.

The "I" that looks through this body's eyes, touches, tastes and smells...
... is the very same "I" of which everyone and everything has being. Only the false personality the thought of brant is different. All else is "I". Amazing!

I cannot hope to relate how important this is to "I". Certainly I had read this before and, it made intellectual sense but had no inner impact. Now it is realized. And it makes no sense at all. Exactly!

[brant]

I came across this quote today.

The consciousness in you and the consciousness in me, apparently two, really one, seek unity and that is love.
Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

[Speculum]

Nicely and clearly articulated.

In my view, you are precisely correct. I cannot think of a single True Teacher who would not agree with what you wrote.

Re Teachers and Gurus, I agree with you there too, and my sense is that so do they: Sit at their feet, hear their words, read their scriptures, consider their practices, and then get up and walk on!

Over the centuries, this process has been rightly compared to the fruit of a vine. Once fertilization takes place, there is nothing more to do except wait for the fruit to ripen, which it will, in its own time, in its own way.

As you have undoubtedly gathered, I share your affection for Nisargadatta. Here's a line I really like: "Your conviction that you are conscious of a world is the world".

[brant]

The original intention was to describe an awakening. In fact, this would not be as easy as originally supposed. For example: in a previous post I wrote that I would answer the question, "is this a long process or instantaneous transformation?" As it turns out it is both, and neither. That sounds rather cryptic, but can't be helped. I've heard it said that the only answer is to see for yourself. As it happens, that was a wise statement.

http://modernseers.org/urku

[anvil46]

way cool , now the trick is to hold on to what can not be held. The slipping back and forth , for me at first was maddening , now I laugh most of the time at the slips . I don't know if I share this experience and am babbling a bit right now assuming may be too much . Any way , there is no spoon. There is just 'i' , only in and out and in is bigger than out and once u get a little practice it is a lot of fun.
blessings brothers and sisters

[brant]

Sounds like you are in the right space. Over time brant had the same experience, back and forth between illusory self and ... not. He is still here and anything serious could send him over the edge. But now I know that it doesn't matter. What seemed to be the trick was to not make it into a problem, or as you said - just laugh. More importantly, to not attempt to understand anything. After that point everything just started happening by itself. In fact just going with whatever seemed to be occurring at the moment proved to be revolutionary. In reading about these things in various places it seems that it is either the right time for one to go all the way, or it isn't. No in between. Those who are not ready to abandon the false seem to turn to the many various forms of so-called "spirituality, religion, etc.", or become fascinated by the various experiences along the way. No harm, no foul, no race. brant spent many, many years there. Once the false self became ready the illusion began dropping faster than the mind could have guessed. What drove that me forward finally was a serious personal event that meant eventual physical death or... forward. The ego chose the later to it's great dethronement. It is not what the false self long believed it to be. In brant's case there was little choice or he probably would be telling fortunes or something.

Best advice I ever heard, pack this and any advice under the hat and then forget it, "The I" won't need it. No thing is "IT", only nothing is.

[Speculum]

anything serious could send him over the edge

Precisely. As I wrote earlier, the fruit on the vine metaphor really works for me.

We muss and fuss along the "spiritual path" for years (lifetimes?), and then one day we realize it is all much ado about nothing (literally!), and so we stop, and allow ourselves simply to live, to be whatever we are as we are. It is then, I perceive, that we become like fruit hanging on a branch, ripening. From then on, everything that is happening, whatever it is that is happening, is happening on the inner, just like a piece of ripening fruit.

And then, one day, in an instant, the fruit drops.

In the words of the Psalmist, "be still (for as long as necessary), and Know I AM God".

But here's the thing. The spiritual "muss and fuss" years are unavoidable. At the outset, Stefan was unable to simply "be still". He needed to pursue the muss and fuss because at the time it was all he knew to do. He wanted to do them because he thought he could make "it" happen by doing them. Did they bring "Stefan" to this point, did they even contribute at all, or were they simply a way to occupy him while the natural growing process took place on its own initiative and in its own time, and would have occurred willy-nilly? I don't know. UG suggests it's the latter, or something like the latter; other Teachers seem to argue the other way. Probably it is a little bit of both and some of neither. In the end, does it matter?

[anna]

Perhaps expressed another way, to realize I is all is simply to get out of the way. There is little mystical here, simply putting a dominant ego-centric "I am the most important thing in my universe" into its proper place. Rather like becoming a child again, simply becoming an entity that observes and responds to external input.

I remember well the struggle and fear induced by the very contemplation that "I" might be extinguished, that "I" would lose something by giving it all up. In retrospect, it is absurd, but there was a time when the mere idea of such a preposterous condition was horrific and terrifying. Isn't it amazing how enslaved we are by a figment of our imagination?