I just remembered the fellow’s name, it was Dr. Swagger, and he was a student of Arthur Ford. Remember Arthur Ford? He was a big deal in the 60’s – a predictor of the future, and a psychic of some renown. He founded Spiritual Frontiers, one of the first major organizations to set up conferences across the nation dealing with all sorts of subjects having to do with the spiritual search, although his emphasis was on contacting the dead and “other realms.” This organization was one which was also pivotal in S’s and my travels about the country through the 70’s as teachers. S being the great speaker that he was, they were very enthusiastic for including him in their conferences.
Anyway, this Swagger fellow was a superb Jungian analyst. Being a heavy dreamer in those days, I was his ideal client, dragging in reams of papers with recordings of my elaborate and extremely useful dreams. He was so taken by my dreams that he insisted on copying my journal, probably for some book he was writing.
What generated my first meeting with this fellow were the extra-ordinary nightmares I was suddenly experiencing. Having recently delved into The Golden Dawn, in my unending pursuit of knowledge about things unseen, I had apparently opened up some doors prematurely, and let out Pandora’s Box in the process. I was beginning to get scared by them, as throughout my life I had been such a prolific dreamer, that I often would find my dreams every bit as real and palpable as “real life”, and thus a nightmare was something that drove me to seek help.
His first admonition, of course, was to cease reading altogether, not only Golden Dawn, but everything having to do with the “other side”. As he was an expert of sorts in the other side -- for his mentor Ford embarked on his own search as a result of the death of his son, and began his own journey in an effort to contact him, whom, incidentally, he did to his own satisfaction -- his admonition, and his consequent protection, resolved the nightmares almost overnight. In retrospect, this fellow was a true Sufi I believe (S and I were always stumbling into Sufis, whether they called themselves that or not.) Of course, a true Sufi no doubt doesn’t call himself a Sufi in any case. Those who know don’t claim to know, those who don’t know, claim all sorts of things. The protection this fellow offered me was the simple safe environment that I submerged myself in three times a week. It was a long drive out to the country from Washington, D.C., and he wasn’t cheap, yet he was invaluable to my own progress out of the confusion of the very worldly life that we were living, and the own inner process that I had already embarked upon, which was a direct contrast to that of the political Washington life we were immersed in. The contrast no doubt helped to generate the nightmares. There was a great teacher that once said “You cannot serve two masters.” He might just as well have added that it will create enormous chaos if you try to. Swagger unwound this for me. Most of my dreams were just about this struggle, the fight to save my “soul”, the inner turmoil and literal wars I was dreaming was about my own small soul trying to emerge from its cocoon intact.
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I’m starting to think that this exact lesson was playing out in my life in the last year. As I ended my time of a late bloomer full time student, in which I was able to immerse myself in the readings and teachings I love, and was allowed flexibility and lots of quite alone time, I was offered a job that I did not look for and simply said yes to. It was a management position with lots of responsibility. It turned out that this job and my boss owned me, and any time for my soul, my needs, my bliss was thrown to the side. Well, the chaos you described in your dreams exploded all over the map in me also. It never occurred to me that loneliness could come from missing alone time! I missed me and the silence. Naturally, this job went away and it has not been until I have unwound, like a top, whose string was pulled so tight that it was bound to break, that I have recognized that I was trying to serve two masters also.There was a great teacher that once said “You cannot serve two masters.” He might just as well have added that it will create enormous chaos if you try to.
Thank you for this entry! AND, I think the Anna Blog is a fantastic idea. I believe it will guide many of us that are out here in the wilderness. I know we all have to walk our own paths, but a light that shines along the way, that illuminates ourselves is a gift beyond measure and those who shine this light are precious jewels of the greatest value to all of us.
"I am what I am."--Popeye